John considered himself a frustrated singer because of the epic losses and failures he had from his 36 singing competitions. One time, he opened his Instagram account. While his thumb finger was moving up and down in a screen, he saw the pictures of the people who are successful in their careers, in their life. Even more, he saw the post of his ex-best friend having a joyful experience in his new formed band. Not a minute passed, another photo popped up in his feed that showed his ex-girlfriend kissing her new boyfriend who is definitely more handsome and talented man. John, who treats himself a frustrated singer, now feels like he’s a frustrated individual, too. He now feels insecurity and that he is being left out. He thinks that his friends, families, relatives, former co-workers are now living their own desired lifestyle, and that he is not.
One of the disadvantages that social media brings around its obsessive supporters is that, it highlights the seemingly achievements of other people through the pictures and videos upon its media vehicles, may it Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.
Most often, it lets its some oblivious supporters to only see the successes and achievements of people, not the failures, disappointments, tears, sweats, and rejections they had along the way.
If you are having a “failure” feeling from your failed interviews over your job application, or from your failed exams yesterday, or from your failed application in your dream organization, or from your failed dance audition in your school, or even from your failed cooked fried chicken, let yourself feel the pain it gave to you and after that, immediately say to yourself,
“It is okay. It is okay to fail! At the very least I am learning and undeniably better than yesterday”
It is okay to fail.
The reason why a person, when experienced failure, becomes emotionally stressed is because of the intense negative feeling he has associated with failure. He associated failure as not okay, as negative, as not normal, as not necessary, as not a requirement for happier life, as not a good experience, and as not a form of fulfilling life. He associated failure as an immense negative pressure deep within his heart and that it gives no significance.
On the other hand, if a person recognize that failing is okay, that it is necessary and inevitable, that it serves better than success, that it is always and will always be there, and that it does not kill them, then they will begin to acknowledge failure as normal, which is completely and realistically true.
There are two reasons why a person associated failure as a negative experience.
First is because it’s the way their parents cultivated them. There were some obsessive parents who pressured their children from failing. They told their children, “You have to have A grades or else, you will be grounded from a month” or “You must not mess up your recitation tomorrow or else, you will not be able to get your desired grades” or “You must be a top 1 in your class, otherwise Anna will beat you!” This builds, subconsciously, a tremendous pressure of being a failure. They believe that if they fail, they are entitled for some kind of punishments.
Second is because of the punishments our education system have fostered among pupils. Back in the previous decades, there were some teachers who paddled their pupils for some negligence like being late, not being to recite, not being to memorize a piece, failing the exam and the list goes on. I myself experienced such. Moreover, the idea of giving failing grades and promoting ranking system among students intensifies the idea that students should achieve more, that they should be at the top. Subconsciously and obliviously, these ways build enormous pressure among students to not fail, to be the best, and to be the number one. And if they not, they are just a normal or mediocre students.
This building of “discipline” is based on the fact that it is more of a “pressure” and not of “they do it because they truly want it” They do it because if not, they will get punished.
In real life, things are completely different. No matter how good you are and how smart you are, you will absolutely experience failures. This is the truth.
It is okay to fail.
Answer this, let us say you have already achieved your dreams in life. You have a happy family, a lamborghini, a nice mansion, and large number of properties. Do you think you are not susceptible anymore for any failure?
No. We will all experience failures in all stages in our lives!
So what’s the good approach for this?
Let us all wholeheartedly embrace our failures!
Some may think I am a little inconsiderate about this but I believe we can be less prone from the negative energy if we completely and openly acknowledge failure as normal and well experience.
I say this because failure is not only inevitable but can also provide an individual more than what he wished for. It does not provide money, car, properties, (EXTERNAL) but emotional intelligence (INTERNAL).
Through failures, an individual will assess himself in what part he is lacking of and what part he needs to improve of. Through failures, an individual will build wisdom that leads in becoming the stronger, wiser, bolder version of himself. Through failures, an individual will experience being at the bottom so that he can appreciate more being at the top. Through failures, an individual will gain leverage for transformation and improvement which will build up his emotional intelligence that is continually preparing him for bigger hurdles of life.
It will meld a better version of yourself, a better “you”. It will transform “who” you are.
And besides, failing means you are doing something. It means you are engaging in whatever the fuck it is. It means you are not in your comfort zone. So be proud of yourself!!!
Remember this, “It is easier to embrace failures than contemplate about them” It is easier to get your act together after the failure than sit and cry in your room and contemplate about how messed up your life is.
If you fail at cooking class, GOOD, it will give you leverage to practice more.
If you fail at relationship, GOOD, it will provide you better approach and foundation for your next relationship.
If you fail at job application, GOOD, it will give you motivation to improve your skills or resume.
Whatever the fucking failure you have experienced and how painful it is, it does not serve for nothing. It has two purpose. First, it prepares you for bigger obstacles and breakthroughs. Second, it transforms your “inner” self, of “who” you are.
Your failures aren’t wasted experiences. It creates, prepares, and develops the greater version of “you”.
One should not be afraid to feel the pain after failure. That’s life and that’s the way it is.
Stand up and be glad you have failures. Accept it. Embrace it. Feel it.