The continuous feeling of unknown. The addictive power of emptiness. The constant experiences of drowning with your own thoughts.
I never fully realized such thing until people started asking these questions:
“Are you okay? Never have seen you smiling.”
“Do you have a problem? You can share it to me.”
“Where are you? We are worried about you.”
I did not know how to respond, nor how to make an initiative to move forward. All I wanted was to lay on my bed, sleep, think, and think, and think. For months, world seemed black with no purpose of continuing.
To cut the story, it was all a process of baby-yet-tough steps of getting better than before. Thankfully, I did not give up. And I know that you won’t too.
Following are the 3 things I learned from such experience:
1. It is hard to move forward if you are dealing with some kind of addiction.
How can you move forward if there is something, someone, holding you back? How can you expect yourself to finish the line if you are carrying a shit-heavy bag behind you? I am not talking addiction as compulsive use of drugs and substances. I believe we all have addiction on something, it is just a matter of whether it is healthy or not. It may be an addiction with negative thoughts, overthinking, social media, arguments, hate, the list goes on.
Going back, I was addicted with nicotine, alcohol, and negative thinking. I was terrified on myself, crying about why it is so hard to change, to move forward. The moment I started to let go of those things that I had able to make things easier.
If we desire to improve our lives for the better, it is not enough to make and implement new habits, perhaps more important, is a commitment to let go. Let go of those unhealthy addictions and it will be easier to move forward.
2. Mental health is super important.
This one was the toughest. Among others, negative thoughts was the main killer. And it is addictive, really addictive – at least in my case.
And the longer we do it, the more it gets addictive and attached to our mind. That’s the truth.
It is inevitable to not think negative thoughts. But what we can do is to be aware of when that “negative thought” comes and fucking squash it immediately. Being aware of how our mind goes will give us the ability to acknowledge the thoughts that are negative.
I experienced this myself. For one moment, I was laughing and having a good time. But then, one negative thought came and that led to another one. Then another one. You see, a chain of negative thoughts.
This happens for most of us. And we are not even aware of it.
Start doing it now. Be aware of the thoughts and be the observer of your mind. Remember, squash those fucking negative thoughts immediately!
3. Do small things.
When we are dealing with something, it is difficult to make initiative to make things better. It is hard to start, to make things happen, to improve different aspects of our life. Resistance comes in when we know we need to do something and still, we are not doing it. That resistance, as time passes, grows and builds more and more resistance. As a result, we procrastinate and we become frustrated.
When you know that you should be doing one thing, do not look for inspiration or motivation, nor find any kind of intervention that will lead you to do that damn thing. JUST DO IT!!! There is no secret, there is no better way, than doing it regardless of whether you like it or not.
Punch those damn keys.
Make that homework.
Call that leads.
Meet with that client.
Write that blog.
Clean that room.
Just do one thing, even small one as cleaning your bed. Anything small. What will happen is that it will build a momentum that leads doing another thing. Do not care about the result.
Zig Ziglar quoted,
You don’t have to be great at something to start, but you have to start to be great at something.
To sum up, if you think you are not moving forward, it may be because of the factors mentioned above. It may be a thing, a person, or an addiction to something that holding you back. It can also be the negative thoughts the overpower your willingness to move forward. Or, it can also be inaction.
Whatever it is, self-awareness is a key. An awareness of what is happening in your mind and body will provide you an idea of what actions you need to take and what is not.